Do Over

Lately, I've been thinking about my past and sometimes I wish I could do it all over again. I think about when I first started my Freshman year at SDSU and how much fun it was. But instead of reliving the fun (I mean, I'd still want to have the same fun), but I wish I did better in school. I wish I could go back to those days and just kick my butt in gear and I wish I got my stuff done. I bet, if I took care of things back then... I would probably working in my career by now...

Instead, here I am.. still struggling with what I want to do in my life. Don't get me wrong. I love where I am now. I love that I have my own family and I love my husband and my daughter to death. I wouldn't trade them for the world. But I wish I could have finished what I started back then. I wish I could go to my 10 year high school reunion and say that I made something of myself.

I mean, don't you ever look back on certain things in your life and wish that you could change it?

Sometimes, I ask myself, "If there was one thing in the world that I could do differently, what would it be?" It's hard for me to even narrow it down to just one thing because I would do a lot of things differently. Then from there I start thinking more about other things about life. Such as, reincarnation. I mean, what really happens to us when we die? Do we really just decompose into the ground and our souls go to heaven (assuming heaven does exist in a religious view)? Or do we possible live another life? The saying goes, you only have one life to live.. but how true is that? Do you ever think that maybe we are born into someone new, but we just don't remember our previous life?

I don't know. I guess I start thinking about stuff like that because I'm afraid of growing old. I don't know if I could say I'm afraid of dying. I know that I'm afraid of dying alone or dying in pain.. and I can definitely say that I am afraid of growing old.. but death? Meh. So much stuff just runs through my mind! But yeah.. food for thought.

-S