Trying to Find a J.O.B. (Just Over Broke)

So I've been on this job hunt for a couple of weeks and it's really stressing me out. Especially since I want to go to a ground college campus, I'm stressing out on what jobs to find that would work out with my school schedule and would allow me to afford a babysitter full-time. This is so lame. I wish finding a job could be easier. I wish I could just get a phone call today or anytime in soon saying, "Hey S! Just wanted to call and say that you're hired and you start work on Monday!" or something in that manner.

Why can't things be easier? Why can't I just go to school and not have to worry about finding a babysitter for my daughter? Why can't we just get free babysitting so I don't have to worry about affording a babysitter for my daughter? But it's life. We all go through it and we all deal with it.

It's times like these that make me wish I knew what career I wanted earlier in life. That way I wouldn't have goofed off and wasted all those years and all that money. Now, here I am.. stressing about what I finally want to do for myself. Woe is me.

-S

Work and School

So.. hubby has been kinda pushing me to find a job. I really don't want to work because I want to spend time with my daughter and I feel like it's pointless to find a job if it's just going to pay for a babysitter. Know what I mean? But, I've been busy sending in my applications and resume online to different places and I already had my first interview at Sears and waiting to see if I get a second interview.

I've also been looking at an actual campus college. I'm getting tired of online schooling and I think that it just makes me slack off more than really put work into it. Every time a new quarter starts, I always have high hopes that I'm going to do better in my classes, but I still slack off and put everything off until last minute.. and before I know it I'm behind. I mean, I'm still struggling on writing an essay that was due Sunday night! FML. But yeah. So I went to a private college and basically got information on Medical Assisting. Class starts in July and I would be finished in 14 months.. and hopefully working as a Medical Assistant right off the bat. I know there's a ton of students and stuff, but a girl can only hope that there will be a good paying job waiting there for me when all is said and done.

Now, my issue with this is.. Neil will only be here for so long before he gets deployed again. And once he's deployed, I'm going to need a babysitter for 60 hours a week! Assuming I'm working a full-time job and going to school part-time. Ugh. So lame. I don't know how I'm going to do it and as far as I know.. it's going to be a rough, rough, rough 14 months of work and school. Especially since my hubby is going to be gone for 9 months of it because of pre-deployment and deployment. Military life definitely is tough. I wish I had someone who could help with babysitting and watching Ne'ani.

But you have to do what you have to do in order to have a better future, right? Too bad once I'm finished with school.. all my paychecks will be going to paying off my student loans! FML again.

Well I need to get started on that super late paper of mine. Any grade is better than NO grade. Right?

-S

Working Out

So I started to work out. I haven't ever really been the type to work out. I'm pretty lazy and I guess I can say that I'm content with my body. Sure, I can definitely tone it up... and that's exactly what I'm working towards.

My body is so sore. I've been working out with my friend C and he basically had me doing a lot of arm work outs. My arms are practically dead! They hurt all over and I have a tough time carrying my daughter around. But that's good because that means that my workout is working! Right? He said I should be seeing results in about a month and the rate that we're going at... I believe him. We're supposed to be eating healthier too. I think I'm going to try to do that next paycheck when our grocery money is back at it's full potential.

Hubby and I bought bikes yesterday too so we can go bike riding.. and I bought this Gold's Gym workout thing that supposedly works and it's for your abs, thighs, and arms. It came with a workout dvd and an 8-week guide to healthy eating. I haven't been able to use the "home gym" thing yet, or start working on the healthier eating.. but I have all intentions of doing it. The meal plans don't sound too bad and I'll post up what I'll be eating each day if I decide to start it. Lol. I know I need to eat healthier, but I'm a snacker and that's a huge problem! Maybe one day...

On another note, I've really been slacking on adding pictures to this thing. I guess I can end this blog with a few...




I think I need to take a before and after picture too so you can see my awesome progress. I'm kinda excited I started to work out and it feels really good. I feel healthier and I feel like I have more energy (even thought the next day I am definitely tired). Hopefully I don't give up and follow through with working out. I just don't know if I'll be able to stay in shape once I get there. Lol. We shall see...

-S

Do Over

Lately, I've been thinking about my past and sometimes I wish I could do it all over again. I think about when I first started my Freshman year at SDSU and how much fun it was. But instead of reliving the fun (I mean, I'd still want to have the same fun), but I wish I did better in school. I wish I could go back to those days and just kick my butt in gear and I wish I got my stuff done. I bet, if I took care of things back then... I would probably working in my career by now...

Instead, here I am.. still struggling with what I want to do in my life. Don't get me wrong. I love where I am now. I love that I have my own family and I love my husband and my daughter to death. I wouldn't trade them for the world. But I wish I could have finished what I started back then. I wish I could go to my 10 year high school reunion and say that I made something of myself.

I mean, don't you ever look back on certain things in your life and wish that you could change it?

Sometimes, I ask myself, "If there was one thing in the world that I could do differently, what would it be?" It's hard for me to even narrow it down to just one thing because I would do a lot of things differently. Then from there I start thinking more about other things about life. Such as, reincarnation. I mean, what really happens to us when we die? Do we really just decompose into the ground and our souls go to heaven (assuming heaven does exist in a religious view)? Or do we possible live another life? The saying goes, you only have one life to live.. but how true is that? Do you ever think that maybe we are born into someone new, but we just don't remember our previous life?

I don't know. I guess I start thinking about stuff like that because I'm afraid of growing old. I don't know if I could say I'm afraid of dying. I know that I'm afraid of dying alone or dying in pain.. and I can definitely say that I am afraid of growing old.. but death? Meh. So much stuff just runs through my mind! But yeah.. food for thought.

-S

First

Sorry, I haven't been able to update in a while. I've been busy with homework, knitting Nani's dress, and Mother's day. This quarter I am so swamped with reading and homework, and since I practically bombed last quarter, I really have to step my game up and ace this quarter to bring my GPA up.

My first Mother's day came and went. It wasn't as special as I wanted it to be. I got to spend quality time with my family, but I guess I was hoping for a little bit more. Maybe a card, breakfast in bed, or even some cleaning around the house. Didn't really happen. All we did was go to a neighbor's house for a BBQ, which was nice and fun. But I had so much homework I had to get to, so we weren't able to stay long. And it was getting late and close to Nani's bed time anyway.

Now it's Nani's first birthday coming up soon. I've been trying to plan it for a couple of months now, but I don't have anything planned at all! I keep asking hubby to help me plan, but he's no help at all. It doesn't make it easier that my best friend in high school is getting married 4 days before Nani's birthday, and that Father's day is that weekend. Ugh. I don't know what to do and I really wish my husband would tell me what he wants to do. I feel like it's not important to him. I mean, I know Ne'ani won't remember it, but still... to me it's a big thing. I want to go to Disneyland, or have her birthday at a water park.. but it's so hard to plan because of money.. and also because most of our friends live a few hours south of us and it would be tough to get anyone to come up to where we live.

Sometimes I get jealous of everyone who still lives close to their friends and family. Because they can throw birthday party celebrations and know that people will show up. Their children will receive lots of gifts, there will be tons of food, and everyone will have a great time. Then I think about Nani. I have to bend over backwards for everyone. I have to think about my family and friends and plan what's easier for them instead of what's easier for us. Then I get sad.. because I think about if we do what's easier for us.. that people won't come celebrate... and it will only be us..

I guess I'm ok with that. But for once, I just want people to bend over backwards to come to us. For once, can't it be easier for us?

Ugh. I have a bunch of things to do today.. this week.. this month! I will try and update as much as I can.

-S

How Do You Know?

How do you know if you're pregnant or not? I mean, sure, there are pregnancy tests that you can take that will basically give you your answer... but what if you don't want to spend all that money just to get a negative line?

I know I have spent a lot of money on pregnancy tests anxious to know if I was pregnant or not. And I always found myself disappointed when it would come back negative. When do you know that you need to buy a test before you buy one and end up wasting money?

They say you're body knows when you're pregnant.. but that's your body. What about you? What are the signs (besides the obvious) that help you know that you are definitely pregnant? There have been cases of women not knowing they were pregnant until they went into labor, or not knowing until they were so far into their pregnancies. I have trouble believing them, but you never really know. I mean, it's possible to not know right?

I hate the waiting game. I hate wondering and stressing about ifs, ands, and whats. I wish my body would just be normal so I don't stress out about.. am I pregnant? Is it the new medicine? I hate not being certain about something. Is that a sign of OCD?

Blah. I have a bunch of homework I have to get working on and my beautiful Nani will be waking up soon. I can't wait to smother her with kisses.

Oh. And btw, I bought a computer last night so I can do my java programming homework.. only to find that it's giving me a harder time than my Mac was. LAME! What am I going to do?

-S

P.S. I'm thinking about starting some "How to" posts. Any suggestions?

4 Years and Counting

It's a little bit past midnight and officially mine and my husband's 4 year anniversary together.

I can't believe it's already been 4 years since he first asked me to be his girlfriend. I can pretty much remember how we celebrated every anniversary and of course remember how he first asked me to be his girlfriend.

I know we won't get to do anything special this year since he has to work and we're pretty much on a tight budget, but I really wish we could have a night to ourselves. Maybe this weekend we can find someone to babysit or something so we can have a movie date night.. Who knows..

But all I know is.. I'm glad we have more happy anniversaries to look forward to.

-S

UFC Fight and a Research Paper

So, I didn't get the chance to blog yesterday. Buuut, who watched the UFC fight with GSP vs. Jake Shields? WE DID! Honestly, I thought that the beginning fights were wayy more interesting than the main one. I don't know.. I guess I just hyped myself up so much that it was going to be a good fight that when it actually happened I was disappointed. Sure, GSP was half blind... but.. I wanted just a little bit more action and excitement than what was given. And if GSP was having a hard time seeing, why didn't Shields use that to his advantage? Arggg. So frustrating. At least there was good finger foods to eat that I got to munch on all night. Nani stayed up pretty late too. She did NOT want to go to sleep and I basically had to hold her down and cuddle her with all my might for her to finallyyyy fall asleep. :) I love when she sleeps in my arms. It's been so long since she's done that, that when she does I just stare at her for minutes at a time and hold her so close...

An another note, I have a research paper due today. I haven't even started on it at all! But I am going to tell myself that after today, I will NOT procrastinate anymore. I have one english class left to take and pass and I will officially be done with my english requirements for my major! I can't wait to be done with english! I hate the damn subject! Haha. Seriously though. I hate it. I'd rather do math for days. But that's typical right? Normally those who are good at one subject suck at the other? Or is that just a myth.

Well, I should be getting to my research paper and Nani should be up for her morning feeding.. I keep getting distracted by the dang internet and Facebook is staring me in the face. BLEGH! See you soon.

-S